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Showing posts from 2014

Reflections on my children's birth dates, names, and personalities.

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Your eyes must be bugging out of your heads, seeing as how this is the second blog post in as many days, but I assure you, nothing is wrong... it just appears that I have more to say this week. With Winter Solstice quickly approaching, Christmas just days after that, closely followed by my delivery date, and a month later, my step-daughter's birthday, not to mention having just celebrated my son's birthday less than a month ago, well, you can see as to why I've been spending some time reflecting on my children, their times of birth, names, and personalities.



Let's start with Morgan... seeing as how she's the first born. Even though I didn't actually birth her into the world, I have had a great deal to do with her upbringing, especially since her mother moved out of the province two and a half years ago and she started living with us full time. Morgan was born on February 1, Imbolc, a very powerful time of year for us Pagans, and I think the timing of her birth …

Releasing 2014, and Planning 2015

As I write this, the latest video for my YouTube channel is going up, talking about things of a similar vein as this blog post; releasing 2014, and getting prepped and prepared for 2015. For the fourth year in a row, I'm using Leonie Dawson's Create Your Shining Year workbook, and I've also pre-purchased a Lunar Energy planner by Jessica at Second Reverie that I will be using in conjunction with it. I've always struggled to meld the goals for my tangible part of my world with the spiritual aspects of it, and I have a really good feeling that using the two workbooks together will allow me to get on track with both sets of goals.

Something else I talked about a lot in that video was reflecting on one of my biggest lessons of 2014, which finally managed to sink into my thick head last week: I, Jessica Johnson, have some serious control issues. Yes, I know, for many of you, this will NOT be a revelation. For me, however, recognizing that tendency within myself was huge, an…

DIY Halloween Decorations

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So, to go totally off the spirituality topic, I'm an all-around crafty person. Always have been, always will be. While my brothers regularly watched cartoon programs as kids, I was the one who always reserved my tv time for Art Attack on the weekends, and could easily spend hours at our playroom craft table, whipping up project after project. My grandma would always save prime crafting materials for me for the summer cabins too, like toilet paper rolls, wine corks, and bits of wallpaper or wrapping paper that weren't usable, but were perfect for collaging with. This tendency hasn't changed in me as an adult, and sometimes I practically live on Pinterest, and I go on big crafting binges on at the very least, a seasonal basis. This Halloween has been no exception.

First off, if you would like to see my entire Fall/Halloween board on Pinterest, you can find it here. I have both adult-orientated and child-friendly ideas there, as well as other nifty things, like potpourri and …

I feel like I have nothing relevant to say.

I'm going through what I will dub for now as a "phase." This phase includes me feeling fairly reclusive from people, especially through social media, as well as feeling like I have nothing relevant to say... here on the blog, on Facebook, on my YouTube channel, etc. It's not that I haven't enjoyed these things in the past, because I certainly have, but I feel like a lot of the same opinions, ideas, and things that I would be expressing or doing, have either been done, or are being done by people that I feel do it so much better than I could. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not feeling jealous or upset that these other people are doing or expressing the same things as me, I'm just simply saying that I feel like they do it so much better... there's no point in me expressing it again, because it's already been done.

Right now, my journey feels very individual, very personal, and very private. I'm normally very happy to wax poetic on the things I&…

Mabon; Autumnal Equinox

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For those of my readers who also live in BC, this Mabon fell upon the first day that kids were back in school full time (unless you send your kids to private school). The teacher strike delayed things quite a bit, and as a result of needing to get things ready for school last minute (we found out Morgan was going back to school the Thursday night before the Monday), my Mabon plans went by the wayside. And because my children did not go to bed at their proper times last night (not usually an issue... happens about once every 2-3 weeks), I didn't even really get any time to be by myself and reflect last night either. I did, however, during the day, go for a walk at the near by Great Blue Heron reserve. The herons were not to be found yesterday, however, I did see eagles, and my most powerful totem animal, the northern flicker.


I took that shot down at the river, with an eagle watching over me as I gave myself a blessing from the river, over all seven chakras. I felt the power of bal…

September Love (warning, picture heavy)

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I think I'm beating a dead horse now when I say that I love fall. I'm sure I've now mentioned it a million and one times, but, just in case the message didn't come in very clear, let me say it again. I love fall. I will never, ever, as long as I live, ever be able to live in a place that doesn't properly experience all four seasons, because then I will automatically be cheated out of (or very nearly cheated out of) my favorite of the four: fall. I love watching the leaves change color. I love hearing the Canada Geese honk as they migrate south for the winter. I love seeing the squirrels busily gathering their winter stores, and I love seeing the change in the birds at my feeder. But I especially love the return of the rain, the chill to the air, and the way the landscape changes dramatically before me.

So, naturally, one of the first things I was going to do once released from bed rest, was to rush out to one of my favorite local trails to take in the beauty of nat…

10 Ways Becoming a Parent Made Me a Better Person

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The Four Queens recently talked about giving yourself internal permission in this video, and having to come to terms with the fact that she didn't want to become a parent. In this day and age, this choice is becoming increasingly popular. One of my friends who I lived near when I was living in the States while still married to my ex-husband had also actively chosen to have her tubes tied when she was in her mid-twenties. I know a lot of women, in fact, who decided young, and with firm gusto that they did not want to become mothers. 
I have a shit-ton of respect for them. 
I see everyday what deciding to have children when you don't really want them does to the mother, and to the child. My own step-daughter is a product of this poor choice. Her father wanted her very, very much. Her mother only had her because she was appeasing her father. To clarify, her mother left her with us two and a half years ago, to move out of the province to be with her then long-distance boyfriend. I…

Existence

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This past week I purchased for myself the Osho Zen Tarot set, one I've had my eye on for quite some time, and I am quite glad that I did. I've only had it a few days now, but already I'm impressed with how deep this deck is, and how quickly just one word on a card can cut to the heart of the matter. 
Take today, for example. I didn't intend to use my personal draw for the weekly tarot reading, but something about it just felt right. Kelly-Ann from The Four Queens has been talking a lot about self-love lately with her Self-Love September campaign, and, since it's been a topic I have struggled with so much throughout the course of my life, the idea has been pushing a lot of buttons internally. It hasn't helped that this month I got my first official piece of "hate-mail" from a stranger, and that I spent the first 11 days of the month in a panic because my doctor saw something "growing" on my placenta in ultrasound, and needed me to go back to…

Blossoming

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There are a lot of things this week that have been blossoming here at the old Johnson household. Least of all, is my pregnant belly:


As of today, I'm now 22 weeks, which means I'm just over half way through my gestation period of 40 weeks. However, as many of you know, this has been a rough go for me. It started with non-stop nausea for the first 15 weeks, and had me popping Diclectin, a morning sickness medication, four times a day for 11 of those weeks. At 10 weeks, I suffered a massive subchorionic haemorrhage, which basically means that the center of my placenta separated from the uterus, and so did some of the edge. It led to constant, and sometimes massive bleeding for 5 straight weeks, and ever since my haemoglobin (iron) levels have been less than desirable, and standing or walking for more than 20-30 minutes makes my blood pressure drop to unsafe levels, and I get dizzy and want to pass out. 
For the past 3 weeks, I have also been suffering from sciatica, which is a c…

This Crazy Little Thing Called Parenting

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So, it's now Wednesday, and I have suddenly realized that I totally missed putting up an oracle or tarot card for the week, but after the weekend I had, I hope you will excuse me.

As many of you might realize, I have two children, a step-daughter who is 9 (and a half, she would have me add very insistently) and my son is 3, nearly 4. I'm also at the time I'm writing this, 21 weeks pregnant, with what has been from the start a very difficult and tumultuous pregnancy. I should add too that my step-daughter, who at the best of times has had some anger issues over her own mother up and leaving and moving to another province a 12 hour drive away two years ago, and her having just come back from spending a month with her, and her new baby sister by her birth mother, has not exactly made this situation at home any easier for us.

In short, every week with her there is a battle. Every. Freaking. Week. Sometimes it's about the way she handles her anger towards me, her nearest mo…

The Blood Dance

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Well, I wasn't going to type up anything about a new oracle card this week, seeing as how I just got back from vacation, but then I pulled this card for myself today, and all bets were off:


The Blood Dance card speaks about how our hearts are the Divine, and our blood is our connection to the Divine. The further away from the heart the blood goes the harder it is to feel the connection, but it is all part of a cycle. The heart pumps the blood away to all sorts of places, and then it returns. Away, return, away, return. Just like our connection with the Divine, in whatever form you feel it or see it in. This card comes at a time when that reassurance is very much needed. I've had a hard couple of days emotionally (not to mention physically, Baby is kicking my butt bad this week), and I feel anything but connected and switched on spiritually. A reminder that this is all part of the Blood Dance was exactly what I needed to hear. 
So, what do you do when your Blood Dance takes you …

My Vacation in Photos

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So as I stated several days ago, I went away to my family cabins in the Caribou of British Columbia, Canada. This property was purchased by my great-grandfather on my mother's side, and over several year's time, four cabins were constructed, one for each of his children, as well as storage sheds, and a garden swing that is still there today, with minimal modifications made to it. Porcupine Creek runs through our property, and its a spawning stream for rainbow trout, which we can also catch in the nearby lake, less than 2km away from the property. It's a peaceful place, being about a 10 minute drive from the nearby village, and a dirt road runs along the front of the property. It's not uncommon to see deer, black bears, and rarely, cougars, along with a myriad of birds, rodents, and small mammals like rabbits. 
Below is a collection of pictures of my visit to our lovely cabins, along with some scenes from my trip to the lake with my husband, and the ride back. Not pict…

Setting Goals

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This Sunday, the 17th, my family and I are going away for a week's vacation to our family cabins in the interior of British Columbia, a trip I have looked forward to each summer every since I was a young child. My great-grandfather bought a piece of land when my mother was just a girl (if she was even born yet) and a cabin was built for each of his four children and their families to use when they came up each summer. We have a decent sized piece of sprawling land, complete with a few small hills, lots of conifer and cottonwood trees, and even a creek running through the property that sees salmon coming back to spawn each year. Less than 2 km away is a lake where you can swim and go fishing for rainbow trout, and we are set right in between two mountains with a dirt road running in front of us, to round a bend a little up the hill and disappear out of sight. It is peaceful, still, and quiet, well, except when the children get up and decide it's time to play! It is not uncommon…

Battling another wave of depression.

If you've been a watcher of my videos and followed me for a time, then you are most likely aware that depression has been a dark visitor in my past, not just once or twice, but several times. I'm no stranger to that ominous feeling of the blues creeping in, slowly but surely setting in and getting worse, until I'm at the point of not wanting to get out of bed any more, lethargy, and lack of desire or motivation to do anything but channel surf, walk aimlessly about my house, and stare outside of windows, cursing anyone I see walking by who seems even mildly chipper. And I've discovered that it's happening, once again.

Pregnancy is always a time of crazy hormones, confused bundles of feelings, and strange and wonderful things happening to your body, and for a lot of people with a history of mental illness, even mild history, it can trigger a descent into depression. It happened post-partum for me last time, but this time it seems to be happening right in the middle o…