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Showing posts from September, 2014

I feel like I have nothing relevant to say.

I'm going through what I will dub for now as a "phase." This phase includes me feeling fairly reclusive from people, especially through social media, as well as feeling like I have nothing relevant to say... here on the blog, on Facebook, on my YouTube channel, etc. It's not that I haven't enjoyed these things in the past, because I certainly have, but I feel like a lot of the same opinions, ideas, and things that I would be expressing or doing, have either been done, or are being done by people that I feel do it so much better than I could. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not feeling jealous or upset that these other people are doing or expressing the same things as me, I'm just simply saying that I feel like they do it so much better... there's no point in me expressing it again, because it's already been done.

Right now, my journey feels very individual, very personal, and very private. I'm normally very happy to wax poetic on the things I&…

Mabon; Autumnal Equinox

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For those of my readers who also live in BC, this Mabon fell upon the first day that kids were back in school full time (unless you send your kids to private school). The teacher strike delayed things quite a bit, and as a result of needing to get things ready for school last minute (we found out Morgan was going back to school the Thursday night before the Monday), my Mabon plans went by the wayside. And because my children did not go to bed at their proper times last night (not usually an issue... happens about once every 2-3 weeks), I didn't even really get any time to be by myself and reflect last night either. I did, however, during the day, go for a walk at the near by Great Blue Heron reserve. The herons were not to be found yesterday, however, I did see eagles, and my most powerful totem animal, the northern flicker.


I took that shot down at the river, with an eagle watching over me as I gave myself a blessing from the river, over all seven chakras. I felt the power of bal…

September Love (warning, picture heavy)

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I think I'm beating a dead horse now when I say that I love fall. I'm sure I've now mentioned it a million and one times, but, just in case the message didn't come in very clear, let me say it again. I love fall. I will never, ever, as long as I live, ever be able to live in a place that doesn't properly experience all four seasons, because then I will automatically be cheated out of (or very nearly cheated out of) my favorite of the four: fall. I love watching the leaves change color. I love hearing the Canada Geese honk as they migrate south for the winter. I love seeing the squirrels busily gathering their winter stores, and I love seeing the change in the birds at my feeder. But I especially love the return of the rain, the chill to the air, and the way the landscape changes dramatically before me.

So, naturally, one of the first things I was going to do once released from bed rest, was to rush out to one of my favorite local trails to take in the beauty of nat…

10 Ways Becoming a Parent Made Me a Better Person

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The Four Queens recently talked about giving yourself internal permission in this video, and having to come to terms with the fact that she didn't want to become a parent. In this day and age, this choice is becoming increasingly popular. One of my friends who I lived near when I was living in the States while still married to my ex-husband had also actively chosen to have her tubes tied when she was in her mid-twenties. I know a lot of women, in fact, who decided young, and with firm gusto that they did not want to become mothers. 
I have a shit-ton of respect for them. 
I see everyday what deciding to have children when you don't really want them does to the mother, and to the child. My own step-daughter is a product of this poor choice. Her father wanted her very, very much. Her mother only had her because she was appeasing her father. To clarify, her mother left her with us two and a half years ago, to move out of the province to be with her then long-distance boyfriend. I…

Existence

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This past week I purchased for myself the Osho Zen Tarot set, one I've had my eye on for quite some time, and I am quite glad that I did. I've only had it a few days now, but already I'm impressed with how deep this deck is, and how quickly just one word on a card can cut to the heart of the matter. 
Take today, for example. I didn't intend to use my personal draw for the weekly tarot reading, but something about it just felt right. Kelly-Ann from The Four Queens has been talking a lot about self-love lately with her Self-Love September campaign, and, since it's been a topic I have struggled with so much throughout the course of my life, the idea has been pushing a lot of buttons internally. It hasn't helped that this month I got my first official piece of "hate-mail" from a stranger, and that I spent the first 11 days of the month in a panic because my doctor saw something "growing" on my placenta in ultrasound, and needed me to go back to…

Blossoming

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There are a lot of things this week that have been blossoming here at the old Johnson household. Least of all, is my pregnant belly:


As of today, I'm now 22 weeks, which means I'm just over half way through my gestation period of 40 weeks. However, as many of you know, this has been a rough go for me. It started with non-stop nausea for the first 15 weeks, and had me popping Diclectin, a morning sickness medication, four times a day for 11 of those weeks. At 10 weeks, I suffered a massive subchorionic haemorrhage, which basically means that the center of my placenta separated from the uterus, and so did some of the edge. It led to constant, and sometimes massive bleeding for 5 straight weeks, and ever since my haemoglobin (iron) levels have been less than desirable, and standing or walking for more than 20-30 minutes makes my blood pressure drop to unsafe levels, and I get dizzy and want to pass out. 
For the past 3 weeks, I have also been suffering from sciatica, which is a c…

This Crazy Little Thing Called Parenting

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So, it's now Wednesday, and I have suddenly realized that I totally missed putting up an oracle or tarot card for the week, but after the weekend I had, I hope you will excuse me.

As many of you might realize, I have two children, a step-daughter who is 9 (and a half, she would have me add very insistently) and my son is 3, nearly 4. I'm also at the time I'm writing this, 21 weeks pregnant, with what has been from the start a very difficult and tumultuous pregnancy. I should add too that my step-daughter, who at the best of times has had some anger issues over her own mother up and leaving and moving to another province a 12 hour drive away two years ago, and her having just come back from spending a month with her, and her new baby sister by her birth mother, has not exactly made this situation at home any easier for us.

In short, every week with her there is a battle. Every. Freaking. Week. Sometimes it's about the way she handles her anger towards me, her nearest mo…