You Are What You Say You Are

As I sit here writing this, it is only 10 days away from when my first book, My Name is The Morrigan will be released both in print, as well as in Kindle version. The story of how this came to be is still, to me, quite the dizzying, unbelievable tale. It was an early spring morning and I was sitting in my office at my old place, staring out the window, seated in front of my computer. I felt compelled to write something, but, what? I didn't feel the need to journal or blog, and I wasn't  in the poetry mood. But boy, did I ever have this itch to write. So, I opened up a blank word file, and taking a sip of tea (my constant companion if you haven't figured this out by now) I just started to let my fingers do the talking.

And minutes later, I had the early draft of My Name is The Morrigan, but titleless as of yet, in front of me. I saved the document and immediately got in touch with my dear friend, Tamara Albanna, and sent her the draft. I asked her what she thought, and what I should do with it, because I still wasn't quite sure myself. She loved it, and told me I should get in touch with Trista Hendren, her dear friend and her publisher of her own book My Name is Inanna and send her the draft. Within hours, Trista had emailed me back saying that she loved it, and would I expand it a bit to suit the length of the other My Name is .... books in the series, because she wanted to publish it.

That alone was enough to make my eyes bug out of my head and squeal with delight, and after I sat down the next day and let my fingers for the most part once again do the talking, I had the expanded version of my book, what will be published in just ten days time, and it was official, I was going to be an author.

I am still struggling to accept and understand that this is a title that I get to attach to my name in my bios online. I am published? I am an author? My long time dream has come true? For this is exactly that, a childhood dream come to life. I grew up reading books like Little House on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder, the Betsy-Tacy series by Maud Hart Lovelace, and Harriet the Spy by Louise Fitzhugh. Most of these heroines in the books accomplished something. They had tenacity, survival instinct, and of course a drive to write. Later, Jane Austen would become my favorite author because she too, lived by her pen and strove to do something that society around her was telling her she shouldn't do - women authors in her day were few and far between. Becoming an author was something I longed to do even as a child, when I would keep dramatic diaries and write poetry as a teenager, submitting them to various publications hoping to be made famous.

As an adult I started, then abandoned many blogs, hoping they would become viral, because I so desperately wanted to share with the world my story, even though there were several people in my life who seriously doubted that I had anything of real value to share with the world. It was something that I struggled with for decades, this desire to share pieces of myself with the world, but this crippling self-doubt that I wasn't good enough, or worthy of being noticed. That I really wasn't all that much of value to the world after all.  But hearing both Tamara and Trista confirm that yes, my book was something that should be shared, was amazing, and confidence boosting.

It got me thinking recently about this idea that you are who you say you are. That you are not necessarily what other people think about you. That you are bigger, and grander and more amazing than you really think, and that there are some people in this world that you will touch with your stories, your life lessons, and your words than you could ever imagine, if only you will have the courage to share it with the world. I was an author at age 5 when I dreamed about it. I was an author at 23 when I was typing away on my blog about the terrible experience about getting divorced from my first husband who had been incredibly emotionally abusive, and was making the process beyond hard for me. And I was an author when I finally got this book accepted and published. I just didn't know it until Trista accepted my submission.

You are what you want to be already too. A painter, a knitter, an author, a yogi, a teacher, a video game guru, or whatever it is that you dream to be. You just haven't got there yet. It might not be for lack of trying, but it is within you there, somewhere, waiting for the right time to come bursting forth. So do it. Be the powerful witch you want to be, or write that heart-stopping poem you have always wanted to write. Take up the guitar for the first time and start strumming away if you think you have the future of a famous guitarist in your future. Whatever it is, do it. Do it whenever you can, don't ever give up hope or stop believing in yourself, and whatever you do, don't listen to the naysayers. They may think they are doing the right thing, keeping you "in check with reality" but you know what? There is already so much "reality" around us, crippling our spirits, keeping us downtrodden, we don't need any more of that in our lives. Dare to dream, dare to fantasize, just do yourself a favor and take action on it. Don't let yourself get frozen. And if you've hit a plateau or feel stuck in a rut, try something new. Don't keep spinning your wheels, doing the same thing over and over again. Use that amazing, creative spirit that you have, and think outside the box. And you'll find that a push in a different direction might be exactly what you needed to free that spinning wheel from the mud and propel you forward again.

So keep on dreaming, dreamers. In fact, never ever stop.
Brightest blessings,
Jessica

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